Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser reveals all the spiciest jokes that DIDN'T make the cut... including a brutal swipe at Sydney Sweeney

Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser is revealing the spiciest jokes she couldn't say during Sunday's live broadcast - including a brutal swipe at Sydney Sweeney.

The comedian, 41, returned as host for a second consecutive year and didn't hold back as she took aim at Epstein's client list, CBS News' 'anti-woke' makeover and even Leonardo DiCaprio's reputation for dating women under the age of 25.

There was seemingly no hot topic or beloved A-lister that Glaser left unscathed during the over three-hour ceremony held in the heart of Beverly Hills.

But the standup star appeared on The Howard Stern Show on Tuesday, where she shared the long list of jaw-dropping jabs that failed to make the final cut. 

Stern explained to the audience that Glaser had a Notes app list on her iPhone, which she called 'The Stern File,' of 'all the jokes [she] wanted to say.'

Glaser started off with a joke she wrote about Sweeney's boxing biopic Christy, which made just $1.3 million when it hit theaters in November - making it one of the worst box office openings in history.

In the film, Sweeney plays real-life female boxing champ Christy Martin, a role that required her to put on more than 30lbs of muscle and endure months of training.

'"Tonight is a night of celebration but we can't ignore it's a weird time in Hollywood,"' Glaser's joke began. '"You know, people just aren't going to the theaters to see things.

'"And if you don't believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made $14."'

Glaser ultimately ended up scrapping the barb after learning that Sweeney would not be attending the ceremony.

Next, Glaser read off a cringe-worthy sexual assault joke she wrote about Particle6's controversial AI actress Tilly Norwood, which was unveiled to world in 2025.

Norwood's introduction was met with fierce backlash over fears of hardworking human actors one day being replaced by artificial intelligence.

'"You know, everyone's concerned about AI. Tilly Norwood is the first star to be completely generated by AI and somehow has still been sexually assaulted by three different studio execs,"' Glaser joked.

Glaser also read off several Sean Penn jokes she came up with before ultimately choosing her now-viral punchline about him looking like 'an expensive leather handbag.' 

Her first version of the joke was '"Sean Penn is nominated tonight. I'm assuming for 'best neck veins.'"'

Her seconds stab at roasting Penn involved her describing him as 'the defiant last tree standing in a rainforest.'

Glaser was also pitched a Penn joke by fellow comedian David Spade. '"I just saw Sean Penn and maybe he's taking The Substance wrong."' 

She had also planned to roast Penn and his One Battle After Another co-stars Benicio del Toro and Leonardo DiCaprio for the 'squinting' expression all three of them often do when onscreen.

'"Sean Penn, Benicio del Toro and Leonardo DiCaprio are all here tonight for the category Least Eyes,"' said Glaser, which earned a chuckle from both Stern and his longtime co-host Robin Quivers.

DiCaprio was the target of several of Glaser's Golden Globes jokes during Sunday's show as she put his age-gap romance with Italian model Vittoria Ceretti, 27, on blast.

And Glaser revealed to Stern that she had 'another take on Leo' in her arsenal that never made it to air.

'He always looks like he's squinting. "Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it's to read your girlfriend's ID. Just making sure that the year starts with a 2."'

Glaser scrapped several jokes making fun of DiCaprio's One Battle After Another co-star Chase Infiniti's unique name.

'"Chase Infiniti is her real name,"' Glaser planned to tell the crowd. '"And this is true, if you apply now you can earn 5% cash back on all travel booked through her through the end of the year."'

She added, '"So, get on that. It's a great deal."'

"'Chase Infiniti Pain is actually her real name. Chase Infiniti Pain. Which is also how Sean Penn gets an erection,"' Glaser said. '"He chases infinity pain."'

Glaser also left out a racy joke about Golden Globe-winner Timothee Chalamet's sex life. 

'"Amy Poehler is here for her podcast, Good Hang, which is what Timothee Chalamet says after sex,"' Glaser read to Stern.

Glaser had cooked up a scathing dig at Oscar-winner and Hollywood icon Julia Roberts, who was nominated for Best Actress for the crime drama After the Hunt.

'"Julia Roberts is nominated for After The Hunt,"' Glaser began. '"I don’t know what it’s about but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it."'

While Glaser did lightly rib the cast of the musical blockbuster Wicked: For Good during Sunday's ceremony, she had originally written more jokes taking aim at Jonathan Bailey's historic People's Sexiest Man Alive cover and Jeff Goldblum's long-running gig as the face of Apartments.com.

'"Jonathan Bailey is the first openly gay man to be named the sexiest man alive by People magazine,"' Glaser began. '"At first I was like, 'Do we really need to say openly?' And then I looked at the list of past winners and I was like, 'Oh yeah, we do.'"'

As for Glaser's Goldblum gag, she said, '"Jeff Goldblum is here tonight. Not because he’s nominated, just because they were shooting an ad for Apartments.com down the street and he just kind of wandered in."'

She then took a second shot at Goldblum's Apartments.com partnership, pointing out that the Hollywood star probably 'hasn't lived in an apartment' since he starred in the 1986 film The Fly.

Glaser scratched out a joke she came up with about the role limitations put on men versus women in Hollywood as they age - using 60-year-old Brad Pitt playing a race care driver in the 2025 film F1 as a prime example.

'"Brad Pitt is nominated for his role in F1 tonight. See, that’s what I love about Hollywood,"' Glaser began.

'"When a man turns 60, he gets to play a race car driver. Meanwhile, after 35 every role for a woman is tired mom who hates her life."'

While Glaser admitted it's tough letting go of a joke, she's come to accept that 'things do live on in someway and maybe sometimes a joke is just for the room.'

She continued: 'There's been times where jokes have really hurt people's feelings or I've gone too far and I feel like I am always okay with losing stuff now.'

Glaser later added: 'You just don't get everything you want and you just gotta move on and let's just write a better joke.'

Glaser's opening monologue at the 83rd annual Golden Globes, which took place on the evening on January 11, was a major hit with celebrity attendees and audiences tuning in from home.

Among Glaser's most jaw-dropping jokes, which she made just seconds into the ceremony, was her daring dig at CBS, the same network that broadcast the show.

Glaser said: 'And the award for most editing goes to CBS News! Yes, CBS News: America's newest place to "See BS news."'

CBS has been under fire for pulling an immigration story that seemingly placed the current administration in a negative light, just hours before airtime.

On Tuesday, Golden Globes producers Ricky Kirshner and Glenn Weiss explained to Variety just how Glaser's joke got the green light.

'I was sitting next to the CBS executive during rehearsal,' Kirshner shared. 'Glenn had heard that joke in clubs throughout the week, and we hadn't heard it all week until rehearsal day. She did it, I was sitting with the CBS exec, and I looked over at her, and she texted a few people, and said, "Yeah, it's OK. It's fine."'

Weiss added, 'I'll add to that: Everything in the monologue, why she nails this so well is, we're poking fun at everything in the industry, including ourselves. It's just been fun.'

Kirshner also said: 'I think when you start off by doing a self-deprecating joke about your own plastic surgery, you set the tone of, "I'm not here to really harm people."'

Meanwhile, Golden Globes bosses have said they hope Glaser will return as host in 2027.

Weiss thinks she has 'truly found her place' with the annual awards ceremony.

He told Variety: 'We all have been focused on this year. No conversation about it. But if you ask me, what's in my heart, I certainly hope so.'

Glenn described the comic as 'a perfect host' for the ceremony, and heaped praise on her work ethic and adaptability.

He added: 'Nikki is such a great talent, and I think she really, truly found her place here. I think she's a perfect host for us. 

'And I will say this, that she is one of the hardest working people I've met in this industry. She really cares about what she's doing. 

'She goes out, she practices sets, things changed right up till when we went on the air from our first rehearsal to the last.

'And I've got to give her major props for not just how funny she is, but how hard she works and what a great person she is for this role.'